anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
