I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
