She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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