I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
