ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
