i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just had sex bonerless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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