dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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