Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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