Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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