she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
