When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
should my penis look like a turkey
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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