Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
