This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
