Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
