I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
