I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
