last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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