My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
