Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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