It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
