So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
