i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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