Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
