YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
id be glad to
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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