that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
