Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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