it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
