so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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