Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
