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• (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

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• (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  God you're perfect.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.

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