Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

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  (631): sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood http://tfl.nu/dhuu
  Replies (113) Good night (1201) Bad night (6379)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?

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  (778): Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter? http://tfl.nu/1qb1
  Replies (19) Good night (4594) Bad night (839)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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  (610): I hope my margaritas pass through security. http://tfl.nu/1pwp
  Replies (7) Good night (4253) Bad night (690)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

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  (520): Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries. http://tfl.nu/00in
  Replies (6) Good night (2746) Bad night (976)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.

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  (301): so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq. http://tfl.nu/u32g
  Replies (7) Good night (1000) Bad night (1632)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  That's some true roommate bonding right there.

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  (847): Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time. (414): That's some true roommate bonding right there. http://tfl.nu/wbl4
  Replies (3) Good night (1736) Bad night (1030)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose

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  (262): You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose http://tfl.nu/d8zc
  Replies (7) Good night (1657) Bad night (963)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.

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  (207): I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas. http://tfl.nu/wigg
  Replies (11) Good night (1510) Bad night (590)
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  (530): View more from California

  for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...

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  (530): for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates... http://tfl.nu/xo9l
  Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (567)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you

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  (425): I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you http://tfl.nu/h4jv
  Replies (1) Good night (700) Bad night (388)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!

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  (775): Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii! http://tfl.nu/sf3q
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (606)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth

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  (802): She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth http://tfl.nu/i0xq
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (495)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago

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  (217): if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago http://tfl.nu/bg9i
  Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (314)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help

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  (317): Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help http://tfl.nu/67cm
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (403)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Worth it.

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  (863): The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history. (352): Worth it. http://tfl.nu/vmzs
  Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (377)

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