someone get that fucking seahorse.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
