yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
