Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.