Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman