Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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