mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Panties = found
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