he puts the penis in happiness.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
