are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
