did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
