I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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