so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
