i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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