She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
