toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
