Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
