Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
40s are totally the cure
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
