I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
