Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
