Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
