i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
