I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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