i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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