i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
did i walk over a car last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
