He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
