What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
