I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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