I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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