I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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