you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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