remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
