Pants 0. Shit 1.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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