Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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