Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'