I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.