Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to calm my uterus...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A bitchslap is in order.