my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.