The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us