Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
