I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize