Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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