Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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