My liver just broke up with me...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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