...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
