I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
