Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think brook has ever known best
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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