i permit you to call me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
