thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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