Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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