I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
