You don't have asthma, your pregnant
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
