...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
high people should be assigned attendants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
