So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
