You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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