I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
