am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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