ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
