And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think your dad took our porno
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
